@dxblarssonENG: Stupid cats stealing all our women.
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@LeahsLounge: If you love something, set it free... Except if 'It' is a man. Because he'll get lost, and won't ask for directions.
@kay_bee28: Told my mum someone had been shot and she asked with what? I wanted to reply 'with a cutlass' but I want her to pay for masters...
@TheMichaelRock: If you're bored, go find someone under the age of 20 and explain beepers to them.
@SaraESpivey: My boss just farted. I asked him if he was trying to get the condom out. He's mad now.