@dxblarssonENG: Stupid cats stealing all our women.
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@MamaFizzles: 11yo said he can't wait to grow up so he won't have to do chores anymore. I had forgotten how cathartic it is to laugh until you cry.
@Dutch_50: I'm at that age where I can't simply pick something up, I need to first knock it over and then pick it up.
@OutOfLeftField_: Friend: Did you know that a butterfly only lives for 2 days? Me: I think that's a myth. Friend: No it's definitely a butterfly.
@StarWarsProblms: Qui-gon: You will give me the parts Watto: I'm immune to mind tricks Qui: Are you immune to lightsabers? Watto: I will give you the parts