@dxblarssonENG: Stupid cats stealing all our women.
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@AristotlesNZ: Me: I don't like online shopping. I'm old school. I need to touch it, smell it, taste it. Her: I still need you to leave our lingerie store.
@psybermonkey: [Afterlife] "I died in WW2 fighting nazis" "I died in Syria fighting terrorists" Me: (confidently) you guys heard of the tide pod challenge?
@Storminika: I hate it when strangers question me. I'm with my kid, & this lady goes, 'He's cute. Who does he look like?' I'm like, 'Your husband'