@joeldanger: Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
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@kumailn: Donald Sterling saying racism is not a problem is like mosquitoes saying malaria is not a problem.
@atthecubicle: Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn't attend.
@mommy_cusses: *Husband using Ouija board after I've died* Please answer me *arrow moves* "It's on the top shelf. Right there. RIGHT THERE! Use your eyes!"
@Aut_tot: People who brag about drinking black coffee?? Ok enjoy your hot bean water, I'm using creamer because I love myself