@joeldanger: Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
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@catstronomical: Me: I've got a 12 pack in the fridge Him: Toss me a cold one *Lettuce and cheese fly everywhere as the taco hits him square in the chest*
@murrman5: [date smiles as I pour more wine] it's like you're trying to get me drunk for something brent [me selecting 2 players on mortal kombat] haha
@_mindflakes: "Please stop misquoting me on Twitter," said my boss. "It makes me sad because I am a large baby with a stupid haircut"