@badbanana: "Subpar accommodations. One star." - Oldest known TripAdvisor rating for Bethlehem.
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@blacksab67: Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye is like Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye.
@NonCombosMentos: *incoming text* "hey bud can I crash at ur place" Sure come on over *sound of approaching airplane*
@ClichedOut: My dog walking company has terrible reviews and I'm being sued. My garage full of dogs is totally worth it.
@NurseMurderer: Twitter is kinda like my diary except I don't use a glitter gel pen or tell you guys how much I miss Josh.