@MyHairyLife: Subway calling their employees sandwich artists must really piss off people who actually paint sandwiches for a living.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RobElliottComic: Me: congrats! Are you pregnant? Her: (awkwardly) Noooo... Me: *panics* do you wanna be? -great save- thanks brain
@lovemydogduck: Dear Santa, My ex was very naughty this year. But I was very good. So you can just send me all his presents.
@AKATriple: So apparently it's rude if somebody asks if you have a light & you tell them they'll have to go to the end of the tunnel to find it...
@BoogTweets: More like "science UN-fair" *I walk away in slo-mo. The building explodes with baking soda lava* *I roll a smoke with my 2nd place ribbon