@SteveDutzy: Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.
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@michaelianblack: Science question: can somebody please explain how tiny, tiny swimsuits make Olympians dive better?
@Thedudish: The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees," so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.
@slimmy_shady: If anyone wants a tiger let me know. I bought one but he's being a d-bag and won't wear the matching sunglasses I bought us.
@DannyZuker: "WAIT!" I screamed at my daughter as she typed Y-O-U on my computer but miraculously the autocomplete added "TUBE" so yeah, God exists.