@hippieswordfish: *suddenly awakes*
honey! i just had a nightmare that i was naked at a job interview, licking BBQ sauce off the guy's face
interviewer: ummm
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@MrSandeepP: Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
@MissNaughty1801: I feel that it's time to pick the kids up from school..so I'm going to lie down here for a while and wait for that feeling to pass
@ThoughtOtter: Me at a wine tasting: *swirls glass* *sniffs* *sips slowly* *stares off into the distance* ...Ah, yes. This is in fact wine.
@Home_Halfway: Kidnapping is a dumb crime because you're literally forcing yourself to hang out with someone
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