@_youhadonejob: Suddenly I'm not thirsty.
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@onelongbender: Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.
@PinkCamoTO: I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it's Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
@Try2StopME: My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber.