@_youhadonejob: Suddenly I'm not thirsty.
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@OctopusCaveman: [2 men standing in an empty basement together] Man 1: “Alright, maybe we should tell a few people about Fight Club.”
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "Do you want to watch Batman Forever?" Me: "I'll watch it for a couple of hours." Wife: "I hate you."
@notfaizzy: Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni... That folks, is what drugs do to you.