@huntigula: *suddenly pulls away from kissing* BUT WHERE DOES THE STORK GET THE BABY FROM?!?
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@PaulyPeligroso: The cheese grader saw me walk in the house with a bag of shredded cheddar and shit got real awkward.
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: Your life insurance premium paid up? Me: Yeah. Wife: Good. Me: Why? Wife: No reason. Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: Here, taste this.
@hurlarious: Why doesn't every mistake in real life I make have a squiggly red line underneath it?