@huntigula: *suddenly pulls away from kissing* why aren't there any female Transformers?!?
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@10InchesPlus: You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!
@Mr_Kapowski: [helping my kid with contractions] Me: Would've Her: Would have M: Nice. I'll H: I will M: Good. Won't H: Won not M: Excellent
@SkunkFarts: The American flag should be a picture of a cheeseburger watching TV on a couch made of fries.
@WilliamAder: If my wife ever hired a private detective to follow me, it would be to get pictures of me not using the coupons I said I used.