@50ShadesGran: Suddenly she was on her back, clothes strewn everywhere and her wrists bound to her ankles. She always had trouble hanging out the washing.
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@Pundamentalism: Ha - mildly amusing Haha - funny Hahaha - sarcastic laugh Hahahaha - stayin' alive
@JB4Realz: [PHONE] "TSA, How can I help you?" Me: "Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List?!" Agent: "Umm..." Me: "DAMMIT, HE'S STARVING!"
@Cheeseboy22: It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.
@panmidwest: FOOL-PROOF PICKUP LINE: you're tall for a woman [she gets real mad right here] *place hand on hers* but the perfect height for an angel