@louisvirtel: "Suicide Squad" looks like a bunch of people Avril Lavigne hangs out with.
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@MissBamantha: A Haiku For My Salad: I do not like you You will never be grilled cheese You make my mouth sad
@KalvinMacleod: ME: A bag of my favorite peanuts has gone missing. LIAM NEESON: How did you get this number?
@PiratedTweet: One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Samsung users are going to be like, “Samsung has had this feature for years”.
@CheryeDavis: I always wink at the local Funeral Director, because he will be the last one to see me naked, and I don't want it to be awkward.