@djderk: Suicide terrorists: jokes on you! Virgins totally suck. Have fun jerking off while she cries.
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@RobertPunchur: I spent a good portion of today sitting in a Snuggie watching Cops. Eventually, they told me to go home and put on pants.
@kamweru_: Saw a guy steal a car using a hanger so I did what any normal person would do, walked up to him & asked "You that guy from Grand Theft Auto?
@BestScienceJoke: Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first.