@Kristen_R5: summer is real cute until every frickin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell
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@PetrickSara: Me: Who drew the picture? 8: I can't remember her name. Me: You memorize 200 Pokémon but you don't remember the kids names in class? 8: 213
@thatguyJA: My son ate all the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms and well guess who isn't paying for his college now.
@mikefossey: I'm a janitor at MIT and i see some extremely hard ass equation on the chalk board. i quickly erase it because im not being paid to do math
@ambamthankyamam: Hey people that twitter says are "similar to me", where do people like us put our car keys?!?!?!