@lil_escher: summer is the worst time of the year to turn goth what the shit was i thinking
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@Rebecca8672: Pro Tip: Before you ask your kid's Principal if he'd like a kiss make sure he can see the chocolate you're holding in your hand.
@PajamaStew: "How about if the villain is a psychopath out to make a skin suit?" - Not in a kids movie, dude. "Ok, but it's puppy skin?" - Oh, then YES!
@TheMichaelRock: Some guy told me I wasn't funny today, so I punched him in his face because nobody likes liars.
@WilliamRodgers: When people tell me "You're gonna regret that in the morning" I sleep in til noon, because I'm a problem Solver