@lil_escher: summer is the worst time of the year to turn goth what the shit was i thinking
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@rudy_mustang: how would water even break? it's a liquid. im not sure i want to have a baby with a liar sharon
@MrMichaelRose: I went to Lowe's to buy a human-sized microwave & the guy loudly said they don't exist & then took me to a back room & they had lots of them
@Wuttercuerk: "Hi I'm here to interview for the branch manager position." "We're only hiring tree trimmers." "That's exactly what I just said."