@Travon: Sunday is Easter, Hitler's birthday, the Columbine anniversary, and weed Christmas. Your move, greeting card section.
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@weinerdog4life: No, your baby was definitely crying before I dropped it, that's why I dropped it.
@iwearaonesie: cost of the ice cream my kid threw a tantrum in the grocery store to get: $5 the look on his face when I ate it for dinner: priceless
@shatterpants: I am realistically only 1 crossbow away from accidentally killing someone with a crossbow.
@trevso_electric: I got this "breathe" tattoo on my wrist because I don't have a central nervous system and it's a helpful reminder.