@TeachersHot: Sunday mornings are a great time for me to reflect on why I haven't killed anyone yet
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@JennyPentland: I'm teaching my boys to leave the toilet seat up so there's no pee on it when I put it down. Everything is a lie and life is a bad dream.
@dorkwing_duck: Fox Mulder, age 6: *looks under pillow* MOM! IT DISAPPEARED! Mom: the Tooth Fairy took it, dear Fox: you mean... the tooth is out there?
@SteussieErica: As a young girl she played the game Operation and dreamed about the day she could illegally harvest vital organs in real life.
@DiscoFruit: they say running is addictive, that's why i don't do it, i'm afraid i'll end up in a fitness gym alley offering sex for treadmill time.