@TeachersHot: Sunday mornings are a great time for me to reflect on why I haven't killed anyone yet
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@daemonic3: [spelling bee] JUDGE: Your word is walk "Walk. W-A-L-K. Walk" JUDGE: [pulls off mask to reveal he is a dog] I KNEW IT! *glares at owner*
@HiddleDeeDee: I accidentally flushed a public toilet with my hand instead of my foot. I may be dying now.
@LindaInDisguise: *calls male escort service* Whispers "How much for... you know... someone to go to Red Lobster with me."