@pizzabottle: Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked while trying to find new people to see you naked.

@OneFunnyMummy: On bad days I like to take a pregnancy test to remind myself that things could be much worse.

@daplusk: I've never played the bagpipes but I have carried a screaming three year old toddler over my shoulder

@huntigula: the karate policy at this nursing home is bullshit

@AverageCorners: 11: Did it rain last night? Me: No. 11: But it's so wet! Me: That's what she said. 11: What? Me: What?