@thereverendcink: If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.

@AndRyanTF: You ever watch a really stupid person for like 10 mins and wonder how they haven't been hit by a train or carried off by a giant eagle yet?

@DanMentos: just taught my 3yo to sing "if you're happy and you've no wit, clap your hands" and then laugh at the people clapping

@ndiquote: My heart say "Yes" But my mom says "No"

@noog: Me: I wish Inigo Montoya appeared everytime “literally” is misused and did his “You keep saying that word“ bit Genie: That ones on the house