@mynameshank: Super productive day, I took down all of my neighbor's outdoor Christmas decorations.
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@TheMichaelRock: Only attractive people that get laid all the time troll people on the internet. Everybody knows that.
@AimeeHelene1: Me: You won't believe the dream I had last night! I slapped you in the face with a hot pizza. Him: M: *looks down* *sees pepperoni all over*
@Bizarro_Mark: Do not tell a kid you didn't understand his joke unless you have 4 hours free to hear the explanation.
@iRowlf: Can prisoners ask for The Olive Garden's Endless Pasta for their last meal? If so, I think I just found a loophole in our judicial system.