@mynameshank: Super productive day, I took down all of my neighbor's outdoor Christmas decorations.
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@DaddyJew: 8: teach me karate [flashback to us nearly burning the house down trying to bake a cake together] Me: first things first, we need a sword
@KeetPotato: would you like to come on our quiz show? you could win £2,000,000? [imagines spending the entire show standing up] "no thanks"
@BoogTweets: Me: *looks back at two sets of foot prints in the sand* Why didn’t you carry me back there? Jesus: You were stress eating during those times and got kind of umm… *holding arms out* you know… *puffs out cheeks*