@JennyJohnsonHi5: Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: I really need to go on the show Survivor. Not for the money or the fame. It's just the only way I'm ever gonna effectively lose weight.
@yerpalmildsauce: *noise* GF: there's somebody in the kitchen! ME: *already unsheathing my blade* that's where the food is
@FinallyHeSleeps: Nothing freaks out people like unblinking eye contact in a public restroom. Especially when you do it from underneath the stall divider.