@JennyJohnsonHi5: Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
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@robyn_vo: Remember being a kid and writing "FiretrUCK" everywhere, thinking your parents wouldn't get it? My dad just figured it out and spanked me :(
@weinerdog4life: Date Tip: If a date is going well, a series of loud hoots will scare off other suitors
@jimmytorosian: Pretty arrogant of Red Delicious Apples to put "delicious" in their name. Like calm down. You're still just an apple. You ain't no prize.
@inikoblue: I just asked my friend to come over and "play husband". He's gonna be pissed when he finds out we are putting together shelves from ikea.