@egg_dog: supermarketes become so much more terrifying if you find a product with the word ‘instant’ and replaec it with ‘sudden’
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@Kimpulses: I've been reading your Oscar tweets, and America should not vote on things as a general rule going forward.
@thereverendcink: If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
@MatCro: I'll never forget my grandad's last words on his deathbed. He said: "I should never have bought this deathbed. Asking for trouble..."
@SortaSarcastic: Okay you guys, I'm gonna distract Twitter with an internal server error. When I do, make a run for it and get your life back.