@egg_dog: supermarketes become so much more terrifying if you find a product with the word ‘instant’ and replaec it with ‘sudden’
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@Tommytoughstuff: WIFE: Oh darn I have a loose thread on my sweater. ME: (waiting for the right time to tell her I bought a sword) Allow me m' lady.
@Pirate_nurse: Don't forget to put everybody before her so she has no clue whether you really give a shit or not
@interwebmemes: 2016: No way will Trump win the election 2017: No way will President Trump fire all those nukes 2018: No way we're doing what those Apes say