@briangaar: Superpower: giving evildoers the hiccups, then on day 23, you throw them off a building but by that point they're just sobbing "thank you"
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@Emonalisha: If you piss me off in the grocery store I will get in line in front of you and pay for a single banana with a personal check
@Anon_imosity: [walks into bookstore] Me: do you have any books on turtles? Worker: Hard back? Me: Yeah, with little heads.
@retniw_nuf: I hate it when I speak French to the homeless guy saying I don't understand English and he replies in French so I have to give him money.
@Mr_Kapowski: Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them