@briangaar: Superpower: giving evildoers the hiccups, then on day 23, you throw them off a building but by that point they're just sobbing "thank you"
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@ozzyunc: Oil is made from dinosaurs. Plastic is made from oil. Plastic dinosaurs are made from real dinosaurs.
@AudreyPorne: My neighbour is pissed. My recycle bin has missing for months so I've been using hers. My boyfriend is missing too. Same situation.
@TheDailySchmuck: First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.