@PJTLynch: Sure, I could live a pious life so St. Peter lets me through the Pearly Gates. Or I could just crawl under the gate since IT SITS ON A CLOUD
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@Mr_Kapowski: Wife: I got our daughter a surprise for her birthday but don't let the cat out of the bag Me: YOU GOT HER A CAT? Kid: *upstairs* YAAAYYYY!
@rickolantern: The mice in my apartment left me a note that said as long as I keep buying store brand graham crackers, there's no need for traps.
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.