@aveuaskew: Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn't have any pictures of me either.
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@pixelatedboat: Kids, if you want to succeed in journalism the way to do it is to suck at your job in a way that's useful to rich people
@Sickayduh: ME: Why are you leaving? WIFE: I have hated every stupid pun of yours since we left Manhasset 20 years ago ME: Manhasset been that long?
@_ElvishPresley_: CHIEF: say hi to ur new partner ME: new partner? If it's another duck– *goose with a badge waddles in* ME: okay but i'm driving this time
@arandomhim: *walks into the hottest restaurant w/out a reservation* We're fully booked "Ahem, I'm Yelp reviewer TURDBONER69" Sorry sir right this way