@lafpgh: Sure, I'd love to Skype with you. Just hold on a sec while I brush my hair and undergo various cosmetic surgery procedures.
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@lawrence_bear: Apparently sleeping your way to the top, doesn't mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
@GrantTanaka: Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you? Me: [glances at wife] uh…sure Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT
@jazmasta: [at Indian restaurant] "Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!" "Samosa?" "Oh no thanks, I'm full"