@dumbbeezie: Sure I'll come to your costume party. I'll be a ninja. If you don't see me then you know I took the challenge seriously
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@CroweJam: I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
@leifromloihi: [pulls away from kissing] do you ever pretend nfl players with dreadlocks swinging around under their helmets are predators
@sofarrsogud: 🎶 It's raining yen. Hallelujah, it's raining yen - Winners of the Japanese lottery, probably
@lisaxy424: 30 seconds staring confused at the calculator app before realizing why my phone wasn't calling the number I dialed.