@GreenishDuck: Sure I'll eat square slices of pizza, but I'm thinking of triangular ones the whole time.
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@Reverend_Scott: [1st day working at bank] BOSS: What are you doing?? ME: I gave that man a personal loan. BOSS: YOU'RE THE JANITOR
@marcia_bee: Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
@davetureq: Ever since they started calling pole dancers "artists," I've been writing on my resume that my talents include "moving in artistic circles."