@CheryeDavis: Sure I'll join your Cause on Facebook...Right after I jump out of an airplane without a parachute...
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@Sassafrantz: When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
@KrunkedRobot: Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station's phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
@liv_thatsme: "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY 40 POUNDS OF SPINACH?" Me: I cooked it for you. It's over there, on that teaspoon.
@TedOfficialPage: Everybody is tweeting "OMG I CANT BELIEVE ITS MARCH", I'm like tf' you you think came after February ? February Jr.?