@motrboatr: Sure I'll send you a shirtless selfie. Just let me work out for 6 months real quick.
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@Thynebear: [Gets on one knee] Margaret- [Pulls out ring] Will you- will you please hide this, Gollum won't stop following me.
@moooooog35: I put JIF Peanut butter in the mousetraps and although I didn't catch any mice I did manage to snag 3 choosy mothers.
@AaronFullerton: "You deleted your search history. Good move. But you forgot about something..." *cop gets all up in suspect's face* "Targeted. Banner. Ads."