@WineMummy: Sure laying me down on a "Bed of Roses" sounds all romantic and shit, but I much rather lay on a bed of fries and onion rings.
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@eyeswidebutt: did you write "call Gary in HR for lots of really disappointing and hairy sex" on the bathroom stall? [wearing my "I hate gary" tshirt]: no
@Quartzjixler: Me: A coworker called me 'Papa Hemingway' today. Her: Because of your beard? Me: Well it wasn't because of my Nobel in Literature.
@CompChristopher: If there is a zombie apocalypse I hope that they are thriller zombies because they're fabulous dancers