@Kyle_Lippert: Sure reading a book under a tree is peaceful but imagine how stressful it is for the tree to see a bunch of it's dead friends in your hand.
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@kylegotjokes: My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said "bless you" now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that
@ayyyyloser: "And then she kissed the frog and saw him turn into a prince, because kissing frogs makes you hallucinate." -me as a babysitter
@trojansauce: DAVE: sorry im late alvin needed me DATE: is that your son? DAVE: for the last time gwen, he's the lead singer in the chipmunk band i manage
@Elifcello: Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made a better something out of myself.