@poutinesmoothie: Sure stepping on a Lego is painful, but have you ever twisted your ankle tripping over a cold and shamed Natalie Imbruglia lying naked on the floor?
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@YogaButterfly_: It's amazing how kids can't think of a thing to do all day long but you put them to bed at 11 pm & they're busy working on a cure for cancer
@tuckerflodman: [halftime] Coach: Okay men we're literally losing at basketball to a dog... any ideas? -I have one. *pulls out vacuum with a jersey on*
@radtoria: Like The Purge but everyone is tryin to murder Tim Allen & become the next Santa. Pls donate on kickstarter so I can finally feed my family.