@SteveSuckington: Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but they won't have sex with you either.
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@TheCatWhisprer: Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
@MissAnneBlondie: Coffee so strong, you finish the "to do" list, that you haven't even written yet.
@man_spach: My favorite Skrillex song is the one where he drops a spoon into the garbage disposal and steps on a cat's tail.
@hippieswordfish: ANIMAL CONTROL: what the hell were you thinking ME: releasing birds at a wedding is romantic ANIMAL CONTROL: you released ostriches