@aka_fatman: Sure, your carpenter could turn water into wine, Father. Now let ME tell you about a plumber who can increase his size by eating mushrooms.
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@all_about_today: What I've learned from twitter is that if I tell a joke to 1,300 people, at least 2 will laugh.
@ArfMeasures: FRIEND: Wow you have bought A LOT of frozen food ME: I like to plan ahead FRIEND: But you haven't got a freezer ME: I'm a terrible planner
@causticbob: When your prospective father-in-law asks:"Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?" Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"