@aka_fatman: Sure, your carpenter could turn water into wine, Father. Now let ME tell you about a plumber who can increase his size by eating mushrooms.
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@paulhorne: I was just adoringly watching my dog sleep and he woke up and caught me and now he thinks I'm some stalker weirdo.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood.
@cjcapbt: I'm just like Bob Marley but not black or Jamaican or talented or dead but my hair gets tangly .
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *calls* How are my kids? Grandma: We're having so much fun Me: Maybe they can stay with you a few extra- Grandma: Come get your kids.