@aka_fatman: Sure, your carpenter could turn water into wine, Father. Now let ME tell you about a plumber who can increase his size by eating mushrooms.
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@Elizasoul80: I'm gonna hire a person to speak at my funeral and say a bunch of crazy stuff about me so my friends and family think I had a secret life.
@sarcasticmommy4: Sometimes passing by a nursing home is the only reminder I need to go buy my kids whatever they want.
@stephenjmolloy: Ian: It's done. Mafia boss: Did you go anywhere nice? I: What? MB: Like a restaurant. I: I killed him. MB: I said take him out! Oh god, Tim!