@rickkondell: Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
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@heymonroe: Hope I'm never tortured, because I just pulled a hangnail off my finger and now this entire restaurant knows my pin number.
@HiddleDeeDee: You're not really a parent until you swat blindly into the backseat, hoping to connect with a kid.
@shutupmikeginn: Twitter should offer Shkreli his account back for $10,000 and if he agrees say sorry and suddenly raise the price 5600%