@rickkondell: Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
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@ariscott: Social media: We're getting rid of chronological order. Everyone: NO! SM: Cool, right?! Everyone: NO! SM: Glad you're excited!
@Shock_Monster: Him: Come check out my church! Me: Him: They play rock music! Me: Him: It's cool! Me: Does it have church in it? Him: Yes... Me: *click*
@tchrquotes: Me: I ate all the chips. Wife: What!? For the boys' lunches!? Well, at least we still have cheeze its. Me: You're not going to believe this
@Book_Krazy: Whenever I seductively unbutton my pants, I always maintain full eye contact with the waiter so he knows I want more table bread.