@QwertyJones3: Surgeon: I'm unable to perform this surgery. I've only got 10,000 spoons, when all I need is a knife.
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@GuttaLikeNoOtha: My son: Mommy I can't wait to grow up and be a man. Me: Don't be silly son, you can't do both
@awkwardphilippe: [creating humans] God: They will have a powerful immune system Assistant: Boring God: ok some will die from eating a peanut A: Nice, nice
@briangaar: Divorce is when you tell someone: Hey I know you better than anyone else on Earth and I'm gonna take a pass