@QwertyJones3: Surgeon: I'm unable to perform this surgery. I've only got 10,000 spoons, when all I need is a knife.
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@InternetHippo: [thoughts of person talking to me]: He's furrowing his brow, he must really be listening! [my brain]: How do cows make cheese
@SkinnieTalls: Hey women, save your money, we just want you wrapped in a bow for Christmas. Wait, don't even worry about buying the bow.
@ConanOBrien: One time I wore my brother's t-shirt, and my dad asked if I was dressing up as his favorite child for Halloween.