@UnFitz: Surprise a beautiful person today by disagreeing with them.
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@Brampersandon_: ME: forgive me father for I have sinned PRIEST: nothing that can’t be forgiven my son ME: I microwave my pop tarts PRIEST: u sick son of a
@Papa_Mex: I've learned a lot about women. Ex: if you're going to the hospital for a gunshot wound & she asks for tampons, you'd better stop on the way
@greggjgc79: [catches your phone before it hits the ground] Whew, that was close! [smashes your phone against the wall] See, that could have happened.
@JonnyStallone: Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.