@UnFitz: Surprise a beautiful person today by disagreeing with them.
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@HeyZeus666: I lost a very dear friend and drinking buddy in a tragic accident this weekend. He got his finger caught in a wedding band.
@hythemafia: My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure... ..So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die
@DanielEdison_: "People keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them" "By mistake?" "Not you as well".
@dafloydsta: FRIEND: Women like when you're mysterious ME: Okay [later on date] HER: So where are we going tonight? ME: None of your goddamn business