@mewritesgood: "SURPRISE!!!!" - Every girl with drawn-on eyebrows.
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@Contwixt: Why go through the trouble of becoming an astronaut when you could just put a plastic bag over your head and roll down a hill in a freezer?
@OfficialMizGin: I wish I were a Jedi. I don’t want to use the Force or anything. I just want to hang out in my bathrobe all day.
@NicestHippo: Symptoms of mental illness: -Hearing voices -Hallucinating -Complaining about how other people use their social media accounts
@1Happytwit: If you're already in the cop car, I really can't see how puking in it could make things any worse.