@mewritesgood: "SURPRISE!!!!" - Every girl with drawn-on eyebrows.
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@garrettbarry70: Super excited about staying at my daughter's place so I can eat her cereal and leave the empty box in her cupboard.
@Barknado69: [The Price Is Right] Bob Barker: what do you think the price of this washing machine is Me:*lips firmly pressed to mic* Right
@iwearaonesie: HR: Did you eat all the mints that were in my jar? me: No [some mints fall out of my mouth] HR: me: Yes [more mints fall out of my mouth]
@tastefactory: Mr. Webb, what is the greatest threat to national security? "The dinosaurs in Jurassic World, they always seem to get out"