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@mewritesgood: "SURPRISE!!!!" - Every girl with drawn-on eyebrows.
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: Man, it's brutally cold outside!
Me: Yes, very weather, much winter.
@JohnLyonTweets: Mom, you're embarrassing me in front of the hostages!
@dafloydsta: Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
@Jamdug: Friend: "Hey, that girl is cute. Can you put in a good word for me?"
*walks up to girl*
@murrman5: [to snake at news station]
you can't do weather anymore
are we getting rain tomorrow?
do you see how that's confusing?