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@UncleDuke1969: Me: What are my choices again?
Pollster: Donald Trump…
Me: I’m thinking.
@PaulyPeligroso: Why do people draw sunglasses on the sun? It's like, dude, he's the sun. They make sunglasses because of him.
@FattMernandez: I couldn't be trusted with a time machine. I'd get killed going back and testing whether or not Velociraptors really could open doors.
@anotherbecky429: Nothing like the dreaded "Mom I missed the bus" text to get you up and moving.
@rachelle_mandik: year 39, month 3: woke up a sentient tangle of meat and calcium again