@Chumpstring: Surprise your buddy by putting on clown makeup and dying in his attic.
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@Parentpains: Some coworkers remind me of my ex, because I would jump in front of a bus to get out of a conversation with them too.
@RockabillyJay: If fire shoots out of the chimney the Papal Conclave has selected a new drummer for Slayer.
@usermcuserface: I'm not a violent person, but I'd happily throat punch the person that decided baby clothes needed a minimum of 20 buttons.
@mattZillaaaa: [job interview] "So we'll call you & let you know. Do you have any questions?" Yes, can you text me instead to let me know?