@Chumpstring: Surprise your buddy by putting on clown makeup and dying in his attic.
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@envydatropic: The forecast isn't calling for rain so I'm just going to wash my car to prove the weatherman wrong
@dafloydsta: I have good and bad news WIFE: Bad news first We need a new front door WIFE: And the good news? [points to Monster Truck in living room]
@QwertyJones3: Would you like to learn about the Mormon Church? "No thanks." Don't judge too quickly. We have a lot of sects... "WHERE DO I SIGN UP?"
@dril: my garbage family is staging an intervention or something for me because i forgot what its called when people have a chin made out of hair