@redrose0117: Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
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@novicefather: Pour your beer in a coffee cup because sometimes walking around with a beer during breakfast is frowned upon.
@unbub_: a great headline for when there is a world wide fresh water shortage will be "water we gonna do??" we will need the laughs
@Sean_Burgundy_: The fastest land animal is a guy that sees a woman about to go through his phone