@redrose0117: Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
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@FuckabillyRex: Life isn’t fair. Unless you’re a carny. Then life is pretty much all fair, all the time.
@ilovepie84: "I don't think Gay Guys should be able to get abortions" -Me when someone asks me a question that I don't know the answer to.
@RecursiveTaco: Me: *throwing popcorn to our toddler like a pigeon* Wife: Stop that! Do you want more to show up?!