@redrose0117: Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
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@KyleMcDowell86: ME: I need to return this blender WALMART EMPLOYEE: Why? ME:(thinking about how i broke it trying to blend rocks to make sand) "Its haunted"
@robyn_vo: I just violently threw up for 6 minutes and now my coworkers think I'm the lead singer of Creed.
@davidkenny100: When I was growing up, my mum was always saying "you can do it!" Like when I was asking who was cooking dinner for example
@Maui_Speaks: I love wearing ear-buds and listening to the music loud at the gym, because no one can hear you if you fart...Why is everyone looking at me?