@WilliamAder: Surprised Scarlett Johansson didn't leg sweep Travolta, throw him over her should onto his back and put her foot on his throat.
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@hoops_Daddy: If it looks like a duck, Sounds like a cat, And walks like robot, You took too many pain killers.
@PajamaBen_: *cop pulls me over* Have you been drinking? No I- *water bottle now full of wine* *officer lowers shades. its Jesus* No one will believe you
@Phoebetate: To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
@DadandBuried: I feel like landlords who don't allow dogs but DO allow children don't know very much about children.