@WilliamAder: Surprised Scarlett Johansson didn't leg sweep Travolta, throw him over her should onto his back and put her foot on his throat.
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@MandiAtRandom: Officer: Did u know your back light is out Me: I don't know if you noticed... I'm inside the car. You had a bit of an advantage
@ChrisScarlette: We now return to 'CANADIAN SNIPER' *canadian sniper shoots an enemy* *canadian sniper yells 'sorry' from far away*
@BlindChow: *man choking* Is there a doc in the house? *Dr Pepper rises* *searches man's pockets* Hey ur no doctor! *moustache falls off* *it's Mr Pibb*
@DeadLioness: They don't seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts. Sad.