@scorpiusryan21: Surprised to hear five people were shot at a Chris Brown show, most notably because why were there that many people at a Chris Brown show?
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@HeatherLuvsYou: A foreign kid asked me how to speak English the other day, so I teached him some.
@CindyBegel: Sometimes when my cat is sitting on a chair, I sneak up, shake the chair hard, yelling, "EARTHQUAKE!" Sadly, like many, she's not prepared
@jonnysun: INTERVIEWER: do u have any weaknesses VIDEO GAME BOSS: [strugling to cover glowing weak spots all over body] UM
@patnspankme: In 5 more years people will be notified of their termination of employment via emoji.