@envydatropic: Surround yourself with people who will groom your eyebrows should you ever become comatose
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@EdwindelaRenta: me: i'm really glad we met, i feel like I can completely be myself around u. u had me at hello kidnapper: pls stop talking
@sploosk: Baby detective: These stab wounds here, they- *coroner covers the body with a sheet* Baby: OH MY GOD. THE BODY! ITS GONE! WHERE DID IT GO
@leshnevsky: If I stabbed someone with icicle, no one would find the murder weapon, because it melts. This thought is haunting me.
@ItsLaTourette: It's so unsettling meeting a baby with a grown man's name. No I don't want to hold Keith but can he look over my investment portfolio for me