@TheAlexNevil: Survival Tip: if a bear comes at you, do not try to "sweep the leg". They've all seen The Karate Kid and learned how to defend against it.
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@AbrasiveGhost: [Wife watching news]: The tuxedo store was robbed. Know anything about that? Me in super frilly tux: Nope *Dog walks in also wearing tux*
@KateQFunny: TIP: Always carry a motorcycle helmet with u. Then u never have to do your hair & u can blame it on safety & the law & stuff. #lifehacks
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: My new yoga instructor's name is Matt so I called him "Yoga Matt" & he said "yeah, don't ever call me that". Yoga Matt isn't very zen.