@Spaziotwat: Survivor 1: "Help! I can't swim! I'm drowning!" Survivor 2: "I have a buoy, friend."
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@Mikecanrant: "YOU'RE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER!" - I yell at the McDonalds drive thru cashier after she tells me its 25 cents more for extra BBQ sauce.
@JillianKarger: DOCTOR: when was the last time you exercised? ME: *thinking about holding the thermometer under my tongue* dude you were there
@dongfuture: Telepathy “Huh?” Telepathy “Ok…let’s move on. What—” Telepathy “Please stop interrupting! What are your strengths?” *rolls eyes* Telepathy
@LizHackett: Wrap toilet paper around you like a wedding dress and slowly get naked as you tear pieces off to blow your nose all day.