@Spaziotwat: Survivor 1: "Help! I can't swim! I'm drowning!" Survivor 2: "I have a buoy, friend."
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@LoriLuvsShoes: So I told my husband that I have a TC and he said, "that's really cute. See if he wants to fund your shoe addiction"
@moooooog35: Me: Wanna have a quickie? Wife: Sure! Me: OMG really? Wife: Wait. Did you say quickie or cookie?
@DomBorrett: Grandma: 'And that's how me and your grandfather chose the colour of toaster in our first home' Me: 'So you haven't seen my scarf?'