@trevso_electric: "Sushi" is Japanese for "take a picture of this, white girls."
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@Tmoney68: Her: I'm really into eating clean. Me: (trying to impress her) I also use many napkins.
@flashember: [Stock market crashes] "Oh no, I better check on my investments!" *opens cupboard over top of the sink* [1000s of Shrek dvds fall out]
@MikeBigby: [Airport security supervillain screening] AGENT: Spell 'haha' ME: OK, 'M',-- AGENT: ur under arrest
@decentbirthday: God: U have to build an ark to save the animals from a tsunami Noah: But you're god, can't you just stop the tsunami God: *loves boats* No