@trevso_electric: "Sushi" is Japanese for "take a picture of this, white girls."
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@OtherDanOBrien: [Cat Businessmen] "Geez, Phil, you look exhausted. Being a new father is tough, huh." *sighs* I only got 16 hours of sleep last night.
@Becky_DDB: Science tip: you can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
@garrettbarry70: My wife complains that my socks are too big for her but she doesn't care that her bra pinches my back.
@Snarfernini: *boss walks in Me: I lost my contact Boss: Why are you naked & why is Greg under your desk? Me: Boss: Me: Shut the door when you leave