@hurlarious: Sweeping a woman off her feet is easy if you know karate
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@protolalia: Me: You're kidnapping me? Where're we going? Can we feed my cats first? Is there a ransom? Cool van. My name- Him: Changed my mind. Get out.
@sageboggs: The Commandments 1) def don't kill 2) no stealing, obvs 3) don't say my name? idk 4) luv ur neighbs! 5) but don't LOVE-love them, that's bad
@AndyAsAdjective: Just said "No you can't have an apple because you'll spoil the pizza that's being delivered very soon." I shouldn't be allowed to parent.
@eudaimonium: Those who carry teensy cute purses shouldn't throw stones at those who wear cargo shorts, because I can carry more stones.