@walterjean182: Sweet dreams are made of cheese. Who am I to diss a brie. I cheddar the world and the feta cheese.
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@JohnLyonTweets: I’m starting to suspect the Christmas tradition of the kids cleaning the house for Santa while the parents nap is just something my parents made up.
@KeetPotato: [at my date's front door] wait, so you've known i was a koala the whole time? "yeah" [me clinging to her arm slowly eating a leaf] how tho?
@SamuelHLowe: I forgive you, but I hope your death is written, produced, and directed by Quentin Tarantino.
@charliedelta7: I like taking my cats out for a drive to show them roadkill so they know what will happen if they ever leave me.