@DavidKlein5: Swim up bars combine my two favorite things. Drinking and peeing in hotel pools.
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@OutOnTheMoors: Pro Tip: If you're on a fishing boat and someone calls you Chum, they're probably not being friendly.
@brianbowman73: We were watching The Discovery Channel on the couch. I was naked. She was afraid. I guess I should have probably introduced myself first.
@SaraMansford: I added broccoli to my kid's Mac n Cheese and now he's sitting in a spinny chair, petting a hairless cat and plotting his revenge.
@bobvulfov: me at 18: im gonna move to new york and go on so many dates me at 26: if i put my phone in a ziploc bag i can go on twitter in the shower