@ChipKellysBalls: Sylvester Stallone is looking more and more like G.I Joe doll put in a microwave on high for twenty minutes
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@smint: Wearing 'EarPods' is my favorite way of making the rest of the world believe my verbal outbursts are part of a heated phone conversation.
@weinerdog4life: The 2nd amendment gives us the right to bear arms and the 8th amendment gives us the right to horse legs
@CelebrityChez: My biggest regret is probably that time I let a guy dressed up as a hotdog give me a haircut.
@vulcan_kelly: My cat rolled on my weed tray and now half my weed is stuck in her fur......Do I smoke my cat?